How Do I Deal With The Fact That I’m In Love With My Roommate? Ask a Pro
Dear Head Pro,
So I recently just moved to a new city where I knew no one, my best guy friend from home happened to have a college roommate also moving here with no one so we decided it would be better to live together than with strangers. We texted a lot prior to the move in and got flirty but I assumed we were just being friendly and everything would be casual once we moved in. Well it’s fucking not. I’m pretty much in love with him. We do everything together and it feels so comfortable. It’s been a month and a half now in our one year lease and he got drunk and booty called me saying he wanted to see me, etc. I didn’t respond because my phone was dead and now hes kind of acting weird so I never brought it up. I just don’t know what to do because I actually really like him and he’s the nicest, most fun, considerate guy I’ve ever met. Additionally in the past I get really wasted and fuck things up with every guy I get close to so that would really suck to have to live with him after that but I don’t know how long I can resist.
Dear Horny Housemate,
You know how sometimes you’ll be in public and your butthole will start to itch and you don’t want to scratch it in front of everyone, and then after what feels like an eternity you get a chance to and you practically get wrist-deep in there scratching because it’s such a relief? Well, dating your roommate actually isn’t like that at all, but goddamn, how satisfying is that?
If anything, dating your roommate is the opposite: It’s the brief, glorious satisfaction of scratching your balloon knot, followed by an indeterminate period where it itches all the time and you can’t do anything about it because you live with the thing making it itch. At least when dating couples decide to move in together, they have a plausible reason to part ways when things go south because their relationship was the impetus for the cohabitation. When you start dating a roommate and then it inevitably fucks up (as you … have a habit of doing, apparently), shit will get SO AWKWARD - you can’t exactly go back to the way things were when you were living together but not having sex.
Basically, you have three options: Profess your love for him and hope that he feels precisely the same way, and begin a relationship while enjoying the money you’ll save by renting out the other bedroom; find another place to live so that you two can finally have lots of sex and babies; do nothing and stew in your own anger whenever he’s with other girls. Honestly, moving sounds like your best chance of having it all, obviously with the understanding that it’s sometimes easier said than done.
Dear Head Pro,
As a freshman in college, I am incredibly paranoid about every boy I meet. I am a relationship-y girl: I always have been, and I am not really interested in changing that because I know I get attached. This makes me very hesitant around guys here, however, because I have grown up hearing about how college guys don't want relationships.
A month ago I started hanging out with this older boy. We hung out about three times before we kissed, and after that (for about two weeks), that was all we did (hang out and make out). He never tried anything else, which was fine by me for the moment.
Next thing I know he starts talking to me about how he thinks what we are doing is heading down a serious path, but he doesn't know if that is good or bad because we "don't have a lot in common." Ouch. I know, I know. I should've run. Except, then the next day I asked him to clarify what exactly he was feeling and he said he honestly is just very confused and doesn't know where he stands, but he isn't eliminating the idea of anything serious. So we talked and decided we should just keep hanging out and see where it goes. Mentally, I gave him a deadline of three weeks and then I would give up on him if I could tell he wasn't being truthful or wasn't budging.
Well, that three weeks is next week and I am MORE CONFUSED THAN EVER. Ever since this talk we have had NO physical contact AT ALL except for hugging hi/bye. We have hung out many times since then, getting dinner, going for walks, doing homework, and we talk nonstop and it feels really good. Except when he texted me the other night saying he couldn't hang out, could we hang the next day instead and after I said sure, he never responded/followed up to actually make those plans.
Basically, I am just so confused because I don't know why he would be spending all this time with me not trying anything if he wasn't interested in more than hooking up. But, at the same time, wouldn't he text me more if he was interested? I know I need to talk to him soon about it all, but I thought I would see what you think first in case he gives me a confusing answer.
Feels like I've Been Friendzoned (but not...)
Dear Friendzoned (but yes, definitely yes…),
Yep, you’ve probably been friendzoned. All the signs are there, chief among them being that unless you go to some kind of religious school or a guy gives you an obvious indication that he’s not into premarital sex, a month is way too long for any college-age guy to go without trying to fuck you. Sorry, but that statement’s 95% true - if you’re 20 years old and you like a girl and she likes you, you’re gonna try to give her your gift. Also: One, no guy views making out as “hooking up” unless he is 12 and has never done either of those things. Two, genuine interest in a girl doesn’t preclude trying to bang her - if anything, you want to try harder because you like her!
While I kind of appreciate how his behavior post-”talk” (which, holy shit yes, that should have told you everything) could be seen as confusing, it’s … really not that confusing. Friends go to dinner. Friends go on walks. Friends certainly do homework together. The one thing friends DON’T do is make out (or more) which, hey, he stopped doing that with you! When he said he wasn’t “eliminating the idea of something serious,” notice he didn’t include the words “with you.” He’s either trying to phase you out in the most excruciating way possible, which is admittedly sucky, or he lost whatever spark was there at first and just enjoys your company, in which case there are about a million reasons why that could happen.
If he grows increasingly distant, well that sucks but at least it will take care of itself. If he does seem to be into a genuine friendship, though, I’ll tell you the same thing girls on the internet tell the neckbeard/fedora crowd when they cry about the friendzone: Having a platonic friend of the opposite sex isn’t the of the the world. You would need to be able to put your romantic feelings to bed (and you kind of owe it to both of you to stay away if you can’t), but if you can manage that, things could be a lot worse.
Got a question only The All Knowing Head Pro will understand? Email him at email@example.com and your dream of being told a guy isn't into you might come true.